I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
