i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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