Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
