the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
