I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
