I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
