So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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