I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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