I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
