What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
