Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
