the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
