how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
