I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
wow bdsm is so cute
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
