I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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