i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
