I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
