if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need to stop coming to work sober
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
