She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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