you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
