He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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