im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
