you have to choose: penises or morals?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
