My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
