I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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