after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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