My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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