To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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