We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
