Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
