So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
