It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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