Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
