Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
