its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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