Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad