I just cut my nipple shaving
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.