omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos