He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
