I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
