he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds