actually, I'm a sock model
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.