Moan for me like Helen Keller
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
