i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
