Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
