Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
