he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
