all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
