After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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