He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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