There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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