Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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