Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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