the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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