Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
