he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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