Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I faked an abortion last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
