you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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