Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
