ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
