Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
