Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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