We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
