So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
