Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
