You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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