you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
