its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fuck appropriateness.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
