I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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