do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
