Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
