I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
