went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
