beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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