worst night to have a conscience
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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