I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
