I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
