just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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